I'm working hard.

80+ hours in front of the computer leaves just about enough time in the week to sleep, masturbate, and occasionally bathe. My apartment is in shambles. My body aches. My eyes burn.

But I'm happy to do the work. Maybe "happy" is the wrong word, but I'm certainly not bitter about it. I'm in the middle of huge, high-profile project.

I feel like I'm in position to catch the biggest wave of my life. I'm smack-dab in the middle of this huge Internet swell that is about to soak the entire planet. If I paddle REALLY hard, I might catch the wave. A year from now, paddling this hard will do me no good. The time to focus is now.

So, yes, my social life is suffering. My abs are losing definition. My personal projects are on hold.

But if I can paddle hard enough...and get in front of this wave...It'll be a long, beautiful ride.

And if I wipe out, at least I know I tried. I gotta know I gave it my best. The reason for not reaching my goals CANNOT be fear, laziness, or wanting to watch more Television. I can't accept that. The pain from that realization would be a hundred times any frustration that my job could impose on me.

Still, sometimes, when I look at the clock and know my friends are gathered somewhere and laughing together, I wish I just had inflatable water wings on and could lie back and float for a bit.

I s'pose there'll be time for floating later.

July 25, nineteen99