It feels like I'm never going to date.

I was having a fun time tonight at a club until a beautiful woman started giving me attention. She complained of her shoes. I rubbed her feet and she said she'd marry me. We small-talked for a few minutes. Then the talk dwindled and she moved on. Everyone around me wondered why I didn't ask for her number.

I don't know. She walked by me a few more times and we smiled. I guess my recent dating disasters have affected me. Being stood-up is hard on the psyche.

Its like…If I get her number, then wait a few days, then make a date, …that's like 3 stages of awkwardness and effort…and we haven't even made it to the point where she can stand me up yet.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being rejected. I don't want to play any games. I don't want to work so hard. I don't want to spend so much energy spinning my wheels.

I honestly can't envision how I'm going to meet someone.

I'm afraid.

May 30, nineteen98