is closed.
This has been my digital home from 1996-2002.
But it is time for a new chapter.
I hope you'll join me as I embark upon...


Like Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust phase, or Picasso’s Blue Period, I, too am entering a new personal era. An artist has to evolve towards his personal truth. Even if he doesn't know what that path will bring.

With boundless love,
john halcyon styn

please sign up to get my occasional mailings:

An essay about my evolution:
"How'd I get here?"

I have been sharing my life online for a while now.
My web presence has served as my friend, coach, bully, teacher, confidant, matchmaker, motivator, and so much more.
From 1996 to 2002, the home for my online wanderings has been “”

I originally picked the name as a sort of joke.
I certainly didn’t consider myself cocky.
The intentional irony is that I was pretty darn insecure. If you spent any time reading the “wrds,” in the early days, you heard me ramble about loneliness and self-doubt.
Yes, I loved myself, but I was FAR from cocky.
In fact, it was more about a journey *towards* self love.
It was about learning to say, “I love myself” even if people called me a cocky bastard for doing so.

It wasn’t until I developed a post Burning-Man, in-your-face, pink pants flamboyance that the name “CockyBastard” lost some of its irony.

As I pull up to Yoga class with my “C*CKY” license plate, it doesn’t have the same humor to it as it used to. (Actually, two things have diminished the appeal of my licence plate: 1) Kid Rock released a CD called “Cocky” and 2)I sold my old car and bought a used BMW. “C*CKY” on a sky blue dented-up 86 Acura is much more fun than on a forest green Beemer.)

I am still on the path towards self love.
But I am at a different place.
I still love the pink fur pants, but they don’t serve me like they did. I will break them out for Burning Man and special occasions….but the limit-pushing I want to do now is more subtle. More internal.
I want to push myself towards truth.
And, the truth I am finding is less about ME. And more about ONENESS.
Standing out and pushing people to questions their judgments is less important. Seeking to break through my own limiting thoughts and patterns is my goal. Simplifying and becoming a tool of the universe is more appealing than being on TV.
I mean, there is a part of me --a BIG part -- that still loves the limelight. But I’m trying to take some time to focus on the more subtle parts of me.

I still like to share my perspective. I still like to tell stories and post pictures. But as much as I love the stage, I want to make sure I have something to say. I want to come from a place of love, not a desire for fame.
I have the desire to be a teacher of sorts. Perhaps a teacher of love.

So now is the time to study and listen and learn and practice.

Time to let go of ego and dedicate myself to be a student of life.

So, I sincerely thank you for being a travel companion during the CockyBastard part of my adventure, and I hope you’ll join me as I embark on “” – The next chapter in my digital journey.

more explanation of my path is on lifestudent's "about" page.